Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. ~Newt Gingrich

Today I had a quick shoulder workout but they still burn after one hour and a half. I get weak as my workout flows from each exercise but I have to keep telling myself to push hard. Sometimes I wish I had a personal trainer to yell in my ear or to tell me I'm wimping out. I desperately need to regroup and find some new motivation to get me through the last couple of weeks. At this point, I want to be done with cardio and training and watching what I eat. The hype just isn't there today but had some things happen that really pissed me off with work and scheduling. So I'm not in a very good mood. This not being in a very good mood situation seems to be happening more frequently. I almost feel like I have PMS. I could bite someones head off at the snap of a finger and I have to tackle the grocery store and checkout line later too. Ummmph!! I haven't lost a pound in two weeks, still at 114 but really I am pretty lean and if I didn't lose anymore weight I will probably still be lean enough for the competition. My body fat two weeks ago was about 12% which is normal for stage readiness. I continue to do cardio in the morning on an empty stomach which is easier now than my weight training. My goal weight was 110 but I'm not sure if I'll make it there. My body is really fighting to lose anymore. I figured this would happen around 114 because several years ago when I was dieting and training that's as low as I got and I didn't stay there long. I would teeter between 116-118. That's one reason it's hard to stay motivated. I feel like doing all this cardio is just a waste of time because I'm not seeing the scale fall. I have to remember though, appearance not just numbers is the most important. I do think, though, that my tush is getting smaller and lifting a little more. That is one noticeable difference. I am all about having to see differences and changes but the changes are becoming less visible. For me, it's the big changes that keep me motivated and now that I'm almost near my peak they are becoming less visible. At the beginning and throughout the year I could keep track of my progress with pictures, seeing my muscles grow and the pounds dropping, finding my clothes fit bigger, that I could wear things I hadn't been able to wear for years. Those were exciting times. Now all those things are past and the improvements are now more subtle. I'm already thinking about body parts I need to improve if I am to compete again. Right now, I think I'll leave you with that and take it one day at a time!

One Month Away!

It's really hard to imagine my competition is one month away from today. We all know how a month can fly by and I'm feeling nervous today. I had another hard workout, though not as bad as yesterday. Today was arm day and I failed to complete my total number of reps with some exercises. I usually try to meet or beat the numbers from the week before. Tried increasing weight on tricep extensions but I couldn't handle it so I backed down to my current weight and tried not to feel defeated. The lack of calories this week sucks. I haven't really felt tired or hungry just a little fatigued by the end of my weight training. My morning cardio workout is going pretty well. I have the stamina and strength to do my 35 minutes and sometimes do a few minutes more. I'm keeping track of how I feel after every workout so that adequate adjustments can be made next week if needed. I will probably add an extra weight training session on the weekends if I don't get good workouts through the week. I'm scared about losing muscle mass. I don't have a whole lot of size on me but you don't have to be big for figure but I do want the slight degree of muscularity and definition the judges are looking for. I don't care about winning but I'd rather not end up at the bottom either. I don't want to set my expectations too high. I like to stay grounded and enjoy the experience. I need to stay focused and not worry so much at this point. Still four weeks to go and alot of work ahead of me. It's raining outside, kind of matches my gloomy mood. I need a rainbow and clear, sunny skies or maybe a vacation to the Caribbean. Ha!

Dieting and Workout Struggles

Today's workout was really disappointing. My new diet, high in protein and veggies and a very low carb intake definitely affected my endurance and strength today. Deke said that was to be expected and normal due to the type of diet. I don't mind functioning on so little food but when it affects my weight training, it really affects my mood. I work and train hard, do as much weight as possible, always try beat my number of reps and always finish my sets. Today, I had to have help finishing the last two reps on set two and three of my chest routine. Mrs. Independent that I am, took an ego hit because I lacked the strength to get a good pump on those last two reps. If the diet continues affecting my workout I'll have to change my routine somewhat. Volume of training will decrease but not weight. Lifting heavy is what helps muscle break down and grow. I am working on posing tonight too. I don't like posing at home, the lighting is awful and it doesn't make me look very well. The lighting makes me look pale and my muscles look flat but that could also be because I am carb depleted to night too. Nonetheless, I am giving it my best shot at posing practice. I'm finally getting used to the 5" heels.

My new diet which I started Saturday is a rotational diet. Monday and Thursday are the low carb/ moderate calories/ carb meal days. Tuesday and Friday are low carb and low calorie. Wednesday-Saturday-Sunday are moderate carbs/ moderate calorie days. My supplementation has not changed since about seven weeks ago accept that I will start taking amino acids before cardio first thing in the morning. I have about three more hard weeks of training left before the competition weekend because the final week we won't be doing much as far as weight training. The main focus will be dieting, water and sodium depletion. I have no idea how any of that works. It will be more of those learn it as you go moments with Deke instructing me on what to do. I'll let you know more about that phase later.

Suit Preview

My suit arrived by mail for a fitting on Friday and I was totally excited. It was like the energy we all have on Christmas morning anxious to open our presents. I was nervous about putting it on, I asked, "Is my physique in good enough form?" Despite my doubts, I managed to get the teeny-tiny suit on and loved how it looked. I wanted to share a picture so here it is. The suit is unfinished with safety pins holding it together and the stones haven't been put on it yet but I can't wait to see it finished. Let me know what you think!!

All About Change! 5 Weeks Out!

Here's Deke and me at the gym! Lots to talk about today! I am so excited and stoked after such a horrible week last week things are looking brighter and progress continues. Saturday weigh-in went really well. After one entire week of dealing with bloatedness and three pounds of water weight, the scale is back down and I managed to lose an extra pound by doing a little more intense cardio and added five minutes each day for an extra 35 minutes. I am now at 114 lbs. Woooohooooo!!!! I was so disappointed at the weight gain last week but had to wake up and realize my body was working naturally as women go through certain phases during the month. I had to keep encouraging myself and listening when people told me that I would get back down to normal weight in about a week. Thank goodness that all passed and now I can see physical proof of my weight loss. Not only is the scale down but I am beginning to lean out and becoming vascular (veins are popping out when I work out). My hard work is really paying off and seeing my body transform after all these weeks is amazing.

Ready to suit up? After the weigh in went well, I decided to try on my posing suit. Yeah!! My designer sent it to me for a fitting trial and I must say it's fantastic. The material is high quality, the color is awesome, the seam work is flawless and the fit is perfect. My designer was right on and she won't have to make any further alterations to my suit. I highly recommend ordering a suit from vandella costumes. I suited up and practiced some posing. I am beginning to look more natural now with my posing positions. Other than diet, it's been the hardest part to master. Start practicing early and don't forget the heels make it a little more challenging. I bought earrings the other day made of Austrian crystal. I chose them rather than rhinestone because my suit will be embellished with them and I didn't want to go overboard with stones. The ensemble looks great, my suit, shoes, earrings and bracelet. It's all falling into place and I'm looking forward to the next few weeks of training hard and getting leaner to get to the final results.

Deke made changes to my diet and cardio plans this meeting. I will be switching to an advanced rotation diet and adding an extra cardio session for 6 days of cardio for 30 minutes. I'm kind of nervous about the change because what I've been doing so far has worked but because my body is adapting to the diet I am on now I must change to continue losing the last few pounds, five more to go for a goal weight of 110 lbs. My energy level has been up this week which I think is a sign my body is used to this current diet. Remember, it's important to notice any changes these last few weeks in case changes need to be made. I will post my new diet soon.

Thoughts for Today...

This week I have been focused on pretty important things to do. I've made a list and I am slowly checking them off as the week progresses. So far I have mailed out my entry form and fee for the show and I have made my final payment on my posing suit. Which by the way, should be arriving this week for a fitting. I am excited and nervous to wear something so small and revealing. I still feel like I need to lean out the tush area more. I've always been self concious about this area though. I'll just have to work really hard these next few weeks to try to shape up my bum.
I have also made my appointment for hair and makeup. Since the show is out of town I thought it would be easier to set up one with the stylist/artist who will provide her services right at the hotel we'll be staying in. I have also decided to get spray tanned the night before the show as well. It will save alot of time and hassle trying to apply the brush on tan the week of the show. Letting someone experienced do the tan takes a ton of stress off of me because I have never used the brush on tan before and would hate to look streaky on stage. I'm really glad these people are there to provide these services for the athletes. It makes life much easier. I bought a bracelet but still need earrings and a dark shade of lipstick. I've been told MAC makeup is really good so I'll soon make a trip to the cosmetic counter. Slowly, but surely, things are coming to together and the reality of it all is sinking in a little. OMG! These next few weeks are going to be really busy. I don't want time to fly by but I have a feeling it might!

OXYGEN Mag! Lifting My Spirits!

I can't believe it! My new Oxygen Magazine arrived today and only an hour before my "Weak Week" post, I open it, start turning the pages and BAM!! The October issue contains an article titled "Stay Strong During Your Period." I felt so much better after reading it and explored more of the topic on the internet and realized my body is doing what it naturally does, so I really can't do much about my water retention before my cycle. This is a normal, natural process many of us experience and it will go away after menstruating. It also will not affect weight loss. Health professionals say it's okay to reduce your weight training load or cardio exercise, just make up for it the following week, for those of us who are hard core fitness junkies. I have to realize I can't let this get me down. I'm emotional enough as is. Girls, I highly recommend you get a subscription!

https://www.kable.com/pub/oxgn/subservices.asp

What a Weak Week!

The day to end my seventh week out and the scale let me down. I weighed in at 118lb. and I'm hoping, really hoping that it's just tons of water weight. I have been bloated this week and for a good reason. Our bodies surprise us at certain times of the month, if you know what I mean? I wasn't expecting three pounds extra though. One or two pounds, I can deal with but three has hit me pretty hard. Nothing changed with my diet or training I did everything the same and absolutely have not cheated. I've worked too hard thus far but times like this make me wonder if I'll be show worthy. I'm far from the perfect physique but my expectations are pretty high. I definitely need to be much leaner than I am now before I even think about strutting across a stage. I'm not sure what to do about not stressing over it. Deke told me not to worry, to avoid the scales until next Wednesday. My husband says I'll probably go right back down to where I was in a week. I'm supposed to avoid stress which so far I've done a pretty good job at. I have been really weak and unmotivated this entire week. I have taken several naps which is not typical. I hope the next few days are better and hope that I regain more energy. It's hard to describe the emotions I'm feeling right now. It's almost overwhelming but Deke says its just part of the mental battle. Nonetheless, I am ready to get ripped and shed these last few pounds. Wow! I can't believe I have six weeks to go!!

Look At Me Pose!

Check this out! Finally, a posing video. Ummmmph!! I still need practice and I'm tweaking movements here and there. It feels awkward but I've been told that it will begin to feel natural. The heels definitely make it more difficult so get them as early as possible and practice. Especially if you're not used to walking in heels, like me. Let me know what you think.

7 Weeks to Go!

Happy Labor Day! Hope you get to take advantage of the holiday and have the day off. The first day of my seventh week out is almost over. Here I have some time before bed to blog though I am pretty tired. Just returned from the grocery store and packed everything away. Oh Yeah! My usual Saturday weigh in went well again. Down yet another pound...115! So I didn't have to make changes to my workout or cardio routine. Thank goodness. Still doing 5, 30 minute sessions per week. I am one pound from being the lightest I've ever been in a very long time, at least since before high school. Deke keeps reminding me, "Everything looks good for this week." "For this week." He keeps saying. Why? Because any day or week now I could plateau and have to keep a very close watch on my weight loss. If I am down half a pound by Wednesday of each week usually I stay in a good mood but that could quickly go the other way. If I see the scale come to a halt I will not be looking forward to finding out how much more cardio I'll have to do. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

I'm right on course with my diet which hasn't changed in four weeks and doing pretty good with resisting to cheat although today has been extremely hard. I have been so hungry and frustrated! I guess that's to be expected and I am definitely looking forward to breakfast in the morning. For now I'm sipping on green tea and hope I sleep well tonight despite my raging hunger.

Good night!

I Think I Can! I think I Can?

My husband and I are celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary and have plans to go out tomorrow for lunch or dinner. Going out to dinner is something I have definitely missed since stepping into this journey and knowing dieting would be the hardest part. It's habit now and I don't miss most food so much anymore. The smells at work while waiting tables sure does make it hard but I know I have the power of my own success or failure. And I won't be defeated! Although the garlic bread is awesome and one of my weaknesses, some how I have the strength to resist temptation.

Our drive to succeed is amazing. I have discovered a new sense about myself. That the will to be our best in this phase can lead us through our hunger and desires. It is somewhat a spiritual journey as we sacrifice daily norms for new, stricter habits. What I am having trouble grasping is the fact that all this hard work and preparation will come to an end and once competition is over what habits will return? I am thinking now about my eating habits when this show is over. What will happen next? What old habits might return? Will I be as dedicated to training hard and building a better physique? I love working out but being in the gym five days a week sometimes twice in one day seems unrealistic to continue when competition is over. But it's what is required of me now and I love it. I probably won't be as rigid with my program. I'm sure I will loosen the reigns a little but I will maintain the physique I gain. I will have cheat meals and I will probably miss some days of working out in the gym but my days of keeping of lean, hard physique are here to stay! Can self-reliance always get us through? We have to remember the ones supporting us and encouraging us. The ones who listen to our moans and groans and tiny complaints. The ones who help lift us up when we are down. Our achievements need to exist without vanity or selfishness and we need to appreciate the ones who stay by our sides through it all. I know I can count on my husband to always be there! I know I can rely on him when self-reliance loses its steam and I need to be tugged along.