Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Hold Your Head High!

This is my "depressed stance." When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this. ~Charlie Brown

Home from a long day at work. Pulled a double shift today which I was dreading because it's hard working around the food and trying not to be hungry. I ate most of my calories early in the day because my appetite was pretty big and I couldn't eat enough to satisfy myself. I finally got a lunch break around 2 o'clock and chilled out at home for a little while. Thankfully the evening was busy and I didn't have time to think about being hungry. Staying busy is key at this point because I like to eat out of boredom. I sometimes find myself going to the fridge or pantry for a snack but retreat when I realize now's not the time to cheat. I have to stay focused which seems to be getting hard as time grows closer. I am trying to be excited but I am really moody and right now I feel kinda down. What frustrates me is that I can't explain why. Look at how far I've come, look at what I have accomplished. But I am my own worst critique and always see the flaws. Right now, thinking about being up on a stage with girls who could look tens times better than me scares me because I don't want people to think I am vain or that I may think I look stage ready while others are thinking what in the world is she doing up there with that jiggly butt. For some reason I can't get past the point that maybe I don't deserve to be up there with the others. Why am I beating myself up? Why am I thinking that I am less of an individual. Self-esteem is a real joy killer, a downer, a sly worm that crawls in right at the moment when we need the most encouragement and lack motivation to seek it out. Something needs to change, my attitude I suppose....

Hopefully, tomorrow Deke will call and we'll talk about what I'll be doing for peak week. I don't know too much about the plan yet just that whatever we do will be done moderately. He mentioned bits and pieces but I don't really understand the process until I know exactly what I'll be doing. I trust Deke, he knows what he's doing and I know he doesn't want to cause any harm or danger to my physique the way it is now. I don't know if I'll sodium deplete, how low my water intake will go, what my diet will be. I have to wait for him to tell me what to do. I am looking forward to getting ready and doing what I need to do to look my best. I can honestly say I have given it my best effort. I have given 100% of all that I can give. It's up to the judges now to determine if I have worked hard enough. It's funny how I now am focusing on this journey as coming down to being judged. I don't like the thought of it because now I'm not feeling good about where I am at. I need to regroup change gears, change my thinking and get back on course with being happy with my progress. Get behind thee!!

Switching the subject I was shopping the other day and found a cookbook I think I'll go back and purchase. I am excited about trying new foods and recipes when life and diet return to normal. Yet another worry:(

Shopping always makes me happy! Maybe I'll do some tomorrow. Good Night.


Melissa Cunningham said...

so how many days out are you from the show? 2 weeks or less? if so,then all those feelings you have are NORMAL...pre-show jitters-the whole not feeling ready thing...all you have to do is stay focused,stay positive and do your best! this whole journey to the stage sound slike it may run deeper than just titles or placements for you? think of all the hard work you have put in,think of all the excitement you will feel when you step foot on stage and show it all off!! this is about your hard work and dedication,this is about getting enough courage and self confidance to actually be getting on stage at all in the first place. dont wirry about whose butt jiggles the most-just go out there and HAVE FUN- you will be surprised how far confidance and poise pays off on the stage!!!
just hang in there chica-if you can make it through peak week,you can do anything.....:)
and fyi,peak week usually consists of a hyperhydration followed by a water deplete-a cut in carbs followed by a carb up-sometimes sodium is manipulated-but the key to having a successfull peak week is to just follow the plan and DO NOT STRESS!!! (stress will bloat you out!!!)
anyways,nuff with the novel-cant wait to follow you along!!

Dana said...

Thanks so much for the advice! I really appreciate your information. I don't much about peak week but I will find out tomorrow what I'll be doing. Maybe I'll shoot you am email and see if I'm on the right track with it. Thanks for your help. Today I'm excited. Everyone at the gym was very positive today and helped encourage me!

erin said...

I just wanted to say good luck! And I bet everyone has similar worries on stage. I keep wondering how I am going to get rid of the jiggle in my inner thighs. I keep wondering when I will see my lower body tighten up more. But things will work out and you know you look awesome no matter the result!

Genie said...

OHMYGOD, we are on the same brainwave.

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